A Chef with One Knife

Being a new wife, I knew that there would be tons of adjustments as soon as I said "I DO," I knew that my life would never be the same.  I know that there are tons of you out there that may have started your marriage living with your parents or your in-laws, but try living with a mother-in-law that doesn't speak English, and going from big cities in California to small towns in Italy!  I don't think I could have prepared myself for this.

I have tried to do everything I can to help out and make it feel like home here.  As I mentioned in my profile, graduating from Le Cordon Bleu for management, I took some culinary classes, and also growing up, my family always LOVED to cook, so for me, I'm most at home when I'm cooking.  But because my mother-in-law did the majority of the cooking, it took me a couple weeks until I started helping out in the kitchen; I didn't want to step on anyone's toes.

As I learned my way around her Kitchen, besides the butter knives, l realized that she really only uses, and as far as I've seen, only has one knife, a bread knife.  She uses this ONE Knife for everything she needs to cut. I'm used to using different knives for different reasons; it has definitely been an experience.  It honestly takes some patience trying to butcher meat, chop onions or mince garlic with a bread knife.  As the days have gone by, now cooking most of our meals, I realized, having one knife isn't so bad.  One day while sitting, peeling and cutting potatoes with this knife, I thought to myself, what else in my life do I take for granted, or have in excess?

I've learned that, yes, being blessed with a plethora of options is great, and to have all these things isn't bad and I wouldn't complain, but also being content with the simplicity that life brings can be pretty cathartic and humbling.  At first, I didn't know how to prepare myself for this experience, but now I am prepared to step outside of my comfort zone and embrace being that "Chef with one knife."

I know my responsibilities, but it may be more valuable to learn to do things without the internal traffic and excess that sometimes consumes us.  I encourage you to take a moment, breath deep, relax, soak in the sun, take a walk or make time to cook a meal with one (bread) knife and one pan.  I know it may be easier said than done, but if your mindset is different, your experience will also be different, and hopefully gratifying.

-Rubi Anne Dijamco Agostini

INTRODUCTIONS: A New Contributor

Hello!

Tessa Charles here.  I have a dear, sweet, kind, insightful friend, Annie, and she has started a whole new life recently.  If you have read this blog faithfully, you might recall a post called, Always A Bride (see March postings).  It was about Annie's recent wedding.  Today, I am re-introducing her to you because she is going to be contributing to this blog with her wisdom and her experience from the other side of the globe!

I have seen Annie grow from a mildly rebellious teen to the wise, generous, joyful woman she is today.  I am so proud of her because although she is younger than me, she always teaches me something about how if we learn how to love, honor and respect each other, generational lines will be blurred if not altogether disappear.

I have mentioned before, that I'm not techno savvy, and although I have looked at the settings and layout of this blog site, I have yet to find a way to have both of our "About Me" bios co-exist on the same page!  Also, I don't know how to add a by-line, so at this time, and for now (I don't want to wait any longer for you meet my, Annie!), you will find each by-line at the end of the post.

Here is Annie's bio for now:

Hi everyone!! My name is Rubi Anne Dijamco Agostini, but most of my friends and family call me Anne or Annie.  I grew up in Southern California in a great home environment,  with 2 parents that did everything on earth possible for my siblings and me, and always wanted the best for us.  I have learned so much from my parents about how a successful marriage works.  They always taught us about life, love, respect and honor.

Growing up, there were times I did things on my own, and learned the hard way.  Looking back now, the lessons I've learned, discovering that my parents were right, and the support of my friends and family, have definitely made me who I am today.

About 3 years ago, while going to Le Cordon Bleu for Hospitality Management,  I did my externship in beautiful Tuscany, Italy...I learned so much about the industry, about myself, AND I even met the love of my life!  I am now a new wife of 3 months!

We got married in my home town, but we are now spending the first part of our journey in his.  My friends and family here in Italy like to call me Rubi or Anna.  I have so much to share, that I've learned from my husband, how I should be treated not only as a wife, but as a woman.  Where as before, I could have settled for less...but I've learned that I am, WE are, worth so much more than we think!

Italy is definitely a different place than where I grew up, but it is now a place that I have fallen in love with and has slowly become my home away from home.  This country is so rich with the different customs and culture, different mindsets, different expressions and language and a different way of living overall.  I have been meeting so many people here, men and women, with great hearts, great passion and great drive, but still seeking reassurance, stability, happiness and positivity in their lives. I myself strive for all these things everyday, but after years of searching and learning how, I have found ways to connect with the truths that live within.  It's not an easy task all the time, but it definitely makes life worth living every day.

Thank you in advance for all of your support and input, I'm so excited to go on this adventure with all of you!

-Rubi Anne Dijamco Agostini

Be Happy, Now!

I know a guy who vowed he wouldn’t get married until he earned a certain amount of money per year.  I know a woman who refused to buy herself new clothes until she could wear a certain size.  I know someone who said she would never let herself be happy until she found “Mr. Right”.

It’s fine to have goals to get us motivated, but to not allow ourselves to be happy until….whatever….is making a vow to be unhappy!  I touched on this on my last blog, but I wanted to reiterate because I know a lot of us end up missing out on prime opportunities to be joyful because we’ve made certain vows to ourselves to only be happy when certain criteria have been met.

So what happened to those people I mentioned?  The guy did end up earning that “certain amount” a LONG time ago and makes probably 5-6 times more now, but has still refused to get married, though he has been with a few wonderful women.  The woman who refused to buy herself new clothes is still pretty much wearing old, shabby clothes, and the last woman has been in relationships with several “Mr. Not-So-Rights”.  Thankfully, for the most part, they have learned to be happy in their circumstance, and are still hopeful but no longer making their vows of happiness dependent on some outside force.

If you have made a vow to delay your happiness until a certain contingency is met, please do yourself (and everyone else around you) a favor and disavow yourself from that idea.  Make yourself a reasonable goal, find reasonable ways to achieve that goal, and for goodness sake, just make a plan to find a way to be joyful every day.

If you're having a hard time "feeling" happy at any given moment, do what my cousins tell me their Dad (my Uncle) would tell them when they were acting grumpy when they were young.  He'd take their little faces gently in his hands, get to their level and say quietly but firmly, "Be happy, NOW!!!"  They knew that was their cue to stop complaining, put a smile on their faces (however reluctant) and pretend they were having a good time until the point when they were actually having a good time!  Haha!  I love that story!

-Tessa L. Charles

This Is What You Deserve

Have you ever…..

…..had someone compliment you and instead of accepting the compliment or simply saying, “Thank you” you pointed out a flaw instead?

…..tried on a dress/piece of jewelry/pair of shoes that you absolutely LOVED and felt FABULOUS in but talked yourself out of buying because it was too expensive/impractical/”unnecessary”?

…..not shopped for yourself because you were waiting until you were a certain size?

I have.  And I was so proud of myself for being so practical; so self-controlled; so unselfish.  It really made me feel so happy!  Yeah, that’s a BIG FAT LIE!!!!!  In reality I was talking myself out of happiness.  You could even go so far as  to say that I was being a little arrogant and self-righteous because I would look at others buying themselves things and have an attitude like, “Oh right, like they really need another whatever.  They’re so self-centered! I have so much more restraint than that!”

Now, I’m not advocating being irresponsible with our budget, but I am pointing out that talking ourselves out of happiness just to be perceived as modest, practical, self-controlled or unselfish is not coming across like we’d hope because I believe that self-denial just ends up showing itself in a different way, such as resentment or depression.  And what’s even worse is that sometimes we feel we are undeserving of happiness because we’re not good enough, or we don’t earn enough or we aren’t looking a certain way and that’s just all kinds of WRONG!!!

No matter where we are right now in our bodies or socio-economic status, we deserve to feel happiness.  Children don’t worry about any of that stuff and yet they find ways to find happiness even in the simplest things.  I’m posting a link that I’ve seen recently of toddler twins having a great time playing with rubber bands.  This just makes me smile and I dare you not to chuckle at least a little watching it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHt4X94jBKI

The next time you find you’re talking yourself out of some happiness, just stop!  Your family, co-workers, or friends don’t deserve anymore happiness than you do.  Do what brings you joy, and take the time to do it, guilt free!  And please be sure to share with us what you did so we can enjoy too!

-Tessa L. Charles

Shake It Off

Being the only female in the house, I often find myself watching different types of sports games whether it is on TV or in person.  I’ve noticed a couple of admirable traits about very successful players that I wanted to share because I think it’s an important and valuable mind-set for life.  The first is that successful players attempt to score all the time, no matter the obstacles.  Second, successful players shake off mistakes or missed attempts.

In life, whenever we make the attempt to “score” or succeed, it can be very risky or discouraging and we may find many obstacles in our way.  It’s important that we make the attempt anyway.  I think we’re all familiar with the story of how the household cleaner “Formula 409” got its name (if you don’t know, the story goes that it was the 409th try at making the cleaner that was successful).

The second part of being successful is that the quicker we shake off our mistakes or missed attempts, the sooner we’re able to re-set our minds and get to the next attempt and then to the eventual success.  I see this whenever I watch NBA player, Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers.  Very rarely do I see Kobe dwell on a mistake and even when he seems to be shooting a “bad streak” he admittedly, “shoots his way out of it”, meaning he continues to shoot until he scores.

To be honest, I have not lived most of my life as a risk taker and I have not relished making mistakes or “losing”.  But I am learning (the “riper” I get!), and I have tried to shake off mistakes more quickly than I have in my past.  I have mentioned before about my decision to go back to school, which in itself, is an attempt to succeed despite many obstacles.  I have also mentioned that I failed a math class, but instead of dwelling on the failure (and the time and money spent), I signed up and took it a second time, and passed.  I have to say it actually was one of the most rewarding experiences failing and then passing that class, especially since math is my least favorite subject!

 It is taking the easy road when we let discouragement, disappointment and failure to dissuade us from success.  Anybody can quit; but it takes strength of character to persevere.  Remember, you are stronger than you think.  Shake off the dust of missed attempts, learn from your mistakes and never look back with regret.  Whatever you set your mind to, you can do it!

-Tessa L. Charles

Have Some Frivolous Fun!

This week has been so busy for me and my family; my youngest son’s summer basketball league started and we found ourselves frolicking here and there, trying to get to all the other daily business that needed attending.

I was able fit into my tight schedule a quick but much needed grocery run this week.
In as serious of a manner as possible, I flitted about the store, list in hand, careful to be efficient so as not to retrace any steps to get out of there as quickly as possible, after all, there was a game we had to get to.  As I made my way to my car, more shoving the cart rather than pushing it, I noticed a slight decline in the parking lot.  A silly idea popped into my head as a devious half-smile crossed my lips.  Why not?  Giving the extra shove needed, I hopped on the cart with both feet, wild-eyed with the wind in my hair and like a giggling kid, without a care in the world,  I rode that cart to my car!  A man getting out of his van saw me, smiled and pointed me out to his wife and his adult son.  They all followed me with their eyes and started chuckling.  I must have looked ridiculous; and I loved it!

Sometimes I get such joy just forgetting who I am for a moment (Mom, wife, middle-aged woman).  OR is it that I get such joy remembering who I am for a moment?!  In those brief seconds, I had dropped years; I had dropped pounds; I had dropped roles; I had dropped propriety.  OH, THE SHEER freedom!!!

My simple message today is to find something to do each day just to have some frivolous, silly fun; something to remind you of who you truly are; forgetting who you’re “supposed” to be, even for just a minute.  Make a silly face at a co-worker, chew some bubble gum and blow a huge bubble, throw a water balloon at someone, run around in the sprinklers, walk around barefoot in the mud, make a chalk picture on the sidewalk, chase a toddler around the room, carry a water gun in your purse…….then savor the moment and crack a smile would you?  Just enjoy!

Post what you did in the comments below so we can enjoy as well.  Share the silliness!

-Tessa L. Charles

The Generation Gap Lie

After looking at the various definitions of “Baby Boomer” and “Generation X” I realize I was born at a very unique period where I can be considered both.  Interestingly, both my mother and I can be considered in the same “generation” both of us “Baby Boomers” (she, born at the very beginning and me born at the very end of that period).  However, depending on which criteria you accept I could be also considered a “Gen X’er”, and so I am at an overlap period in which I can be identified as either or both.

Have you heard of and bought into the term of the 60's, the "Generation Gap"?  What if it is a lie?  What if it is meant to keep the wisdom and experience of the older generation from the strength, innovation and endurance of the younger generation?  What if, instead, we were to honor each other and celebrate our differences instead of always looking for ways to segregate ourselves from each other?  What if we found out we had more in common than not?  How powerful could that end up being?

Perhaps, because like my earlier realization, I’m at a very unique period in my life where I can be considered not young any longer, but not yet old, I have the unique opportunity to look at both sides more objectively.  So what I’m saying is that even though we may not talk the same language (or more precisely, use the same slang), listen to the same music, or dress the same, that doesn’t mean we have to criticize or be dismissive of one another.  Instead, let’s face the facts that each generation has certain influence, resources, ideas, experience, power, strength and integrity.  How much better would this world be if we could use our power for the united good?

So the next time we’re tempted to say, “Oh this younger generation has no work ethic, they’re so entitled!” maybe we should ask them what they do value, which is probably something similar to ours, they just look at it or approach it differently.  Or how about when we’re tempted to say, “Oh the older generation just doesn’t get it, they’re so old fashioned!” maybe we should ask them why they think the “old” way of doing something is more valuable.  Maybe we could find some gems of honor, respect and propriety in their ideas.  Maybe we could just think of each other as in the same generation, and just appreciate what each of us brings to the table – period.
What is the payoff?  I believe that will leave a legacy where the generations after us can stand on our shoulders rather than just walking in our footsteps.  I know that’s what I want for my children…….and their children…..and so on……

-Tessa L. Charles

Deaf or Death? Exactly!

When my brother was little and learning to talk, he, like most toddlers, mispronounced a few words; once at dinner, he asked my mom, “Can I celebrate my onions?” Knowing he disliked them, my mom asked him to repeat his request.  “Can I celebrate my onions?”  My mom turned to me, (she reports I was often the interpreter for my brother) and I said nonchalantly, “He wants to know if he can separate  the onions from the rest of his food.” Cute, right?

At the time, my parents were also leading the youth group at our church.  My brother would call them the “newth” group.  I don’t know if he just couldn’t pronounce “youth” or he just reasoned that they were young and new to the world, so it made sense to him to call them “newth” (I know I’d like to be called little more “newth-ful” these days!).

When we would visit my grandparents, he would instruct people who were talking to my grandfather to talk in a louder voice because our grandpa was “death”.  He would say this while pointing a chubby finger towards his own ears. Thinking that people were laughing at my brother, and not at the cuteness of his foible, I pulled him aside and said, “Look at my mouth, it’s ‘deaf-f-f-f’ not ‘death-th-th’!”

However, now that I’m older, I’m beginning to think perhaps I was wrong and my brother was right.  Isn’t being deaf a type of death; a death of hearing?  In fact, aren’t all ailments a type of death?

I have included a link that simply explains how stress impacts the effectiveness of the immune system:  http://www.simplypsychology.org/stress-immune.html

Isn’t the compromised state of our immune system a type of death; the death of an effective immune system?  If so, then it would follow that the diminishing of stress would be life giving, or at least life extending, right? What if one way we could reduce stress is by using our words and changing our minds about negative conditions?  If stress can cause “death”, can’t a positive mindset reverse that effect?  I’m pretty sure there are many studies that can prove that, but I’m not trying to do a research paper here, what I’m trying to say is that we can use our creative words to reverse the effects of negativity or death.  If you believe that death is in the tongue, meaning that negative, stressful words can cause a type of death, than the reverse has to be true, that positive, encouraging words can cause life.

In any case, I hope this particular blog has given food for thought.  I guess if you’ve read any of the previous blogs, you know I believe in the effects of encouraging words.  I love it when I get your encouraging comments and I hope that’s what I continue to put out “there” for everyone else.  Feel free to tell me what you think.

-Tessa L. Charles

Regret Nothing

When I was 7 I had long straight hair and for some reason, I don’t remember why, I wanted to cut my hair.  My Mom told me that if she let me have my hair cut, I’d “regret it later”.  I didn’t know what that meant and when she told me, I didn’t believe her.  I wore her down and eventually she did cut my hair.  Although I didn’t really regret cutting my hair at the time, I have done a lot of things throughout my life which I have regretted.

I know I’m not alone, many of us live with regret, however, I’ve learned recently that regret is an ugly insipid, devouring, unrelenting waste of time.  There will always be deeds that we wished we could undo, however, we never can and it’s a waste of time thinking of what could have been.  Also, what we are today is because of what has happened in the past; it has made us what we are today. 

Don’t get me wrong, I know there may be some things that may have happened in our past that were “regrettable”; things that may have been out of our control and perhaps just plain wrong.  But when we make it past that, work through it, and refuse to let it turn us bitter or ugly, it really speaks about our strength, resilience and fortitude.  In the end, the victory belongs to us and not to the circumstance or to the person who inflicted us.

If you are full of regret, take this time to talk to someone about it and then let it go.  If you’re a person who has blessedly worked through your regret and let it go, pass on your wisdom and gently help someone else through it.  Don’t let that circumstance oppress you, use it instead to propel you and others.  I am thanking you in advance.

-Tessa L. Charles