Thursday, September 26, 2013

Everything Fried!!

Okay, this might start sounding like a food critics blog, but after last night, I can't help it.  How did fried food become such a popular treat in our country?  Okay, I know anything fried can be good, if done properly, but it's getting overwhelmingly high in demand.  I went to the LA Country Fair yesterday and the majority of the food that was being sold was fried.  They had Fried Ribs, Fried Avocado, Fried Pickles, Fried Cheesecake, Fried Cupcakes, Fried Twinkies, Fried Oreos, Fried Candy Bars, etc, etc, etc...everything battered and fried!!

I do have to admit, because I haven't gone to the fair in over 15 years, I did want to see what all the hype was about.  I caught myself saying, "I have to at least try some kind of fried dessert before we leave"...I ended up getting the deep fried twinkie, and I have to say, I was not impressed at all.  Earlier in the evening we also tried the fried avocado, probably wouldn't get that again either.  It may sound bad, but we all shared!  Now having this experience made me wonder why all this fried food hype is even a hype at all.  The batter wasn't seasoned, it wasn't crispy, the inside was warm, but also very underwhelming.  I have to say, eating fried food at the fair is not worth the prices, waiting in line, or the calories.

During the night, knowing I wanted to try some of the wonderful things that I kept hearing about, I kept telling myself that I can start my diet tomorrow, or Monday.  Why do we sometimes push our goals aside to hop on a trend that may be the complete opposite of what we're trying to achieve?  I've been thinking about starting my diet or actually this new healthy lifestyle, but instead I go to the fair and eat fried food??   I mean, don't get me wrong, I do get it, I get the attraction, fried food tastes good, but it has to be in extreme moderation.  And I know sometimes we can't help but get sucked in, but like my last blog, it takes discipline. Don't get me wrong, I'll most likely have fried food again, but maybe cook it myself next time.  But I do love eating good, healthy food, some of my favorite things to eat are grilled veggies, roasted meats and salads.  I also like cooking my own food, knowing and controlling exactly what I put in it, but it does take a lot of self control to eat healthy constantly...especially living here in Southern California.

Living in Italy, I couldn't help but eat healthy; their idea of fast food is fresh, hand tossed pizza, or a quick panini with fresh ingredients, and fresh bread.  There are no drive through fast food places, except for McDonald's, but even those are maybe 1 every 30 miles...if that.  They have no fried chicken places either.  A lot of people don't even have microwaves in their homes because all their meals are made fresh.  And plus you stay active, riding bikes and/or using public transportation and walking.  They're in a healthy living epidemic and they don't even know it.

I'm not knocking the fair or fried foods in general...all I'm saying is that we/I need to be aware of what I put in my body.  And also being aware of what trends are worth jumping on.  It goes back to the old saying..."Just because someone jumps off a bridge, would you?"  There are people that do live this to the extreme, which is perfectly fine...but I'd like to try a more balanced approach...everything in moderation. Aaaand it also helps to throw in some physical activity of course!  If you want to try this, healthy recipes and weekly physical activities, let me know...we can do it together!

-Rubi Anne Dijamco Agostini

Monday, September 23, 2013

You're Captivating

A few years ago a newly married friend of mine was asked when she was planning on starting her family. Knowing about her close-knit upbringing I was surprised by her answer which was she didn’t know if she wanted to have kids because no matter how well people raised their kids, one can never guarantee they would end up being upright individuals.  In her estimation, “there were just so many things that might go wrong.”  Not to say that I don’t understand the fear (which at its root was: am I going to be a good parent? And, what if my child turns out to be a disappointment?), but sometimes dwelling on that fear is the exact thing that ends up coming to fruition.

Let me put it another way.  In my early teen years, my Dad took my brother and me on a ski trip during one of our school breaks.  My Dad is tall and very coordinated, but at the time he was heavy, so he had his challenges skiing, which is what I think made him more determined to learn.  On one run, he wanted to test the “ungroomed” snow and went a bit off trail.  Following behind him, my brother and I tried to warn him as we watched him head towards a tree.   Just before he hit, he fell headfirst into a thick embankment.  We couldn’t help laughing because his head was stuck in the snow, yet his ample back side and legs were sticking out and up in the air and he couldn’t seem to get out.  After he did so, he shook off the snow and we asked him why he didn’t just turn when he saw the tree looming.  He said, “I tried!  But the more I looked at the tree, the more I couldn’t seem to change directions!

If you’ve been following my blog for some time, you’ve probably read these words, “take captive your thoughts”.  What I mean by this is, when negative thoughts or fears start you on a spiraling journey making you angry, bitter, hopeless, worrisome, or even depressed, it is incumbent on you to step back a moment, take hold of those thoughts and change your focus.  It sounds like it might be difficult, but it’s not, all it takes is practice.  The main thing is to remember your identity, that’s key, and if that means writing your identity down, then do so.

I like starting off by listing the things I’m good at (I’m a good mother; I’m a good friend; I’m good at finding a bargain….).  Then maybe writing down the things I’m passionate about (I fiercely love my kids; I love spending time with my friends; I enjoy finding the perfect gift for people….).  Finally, I write down my “I Am “ statement (I am loving; I am an encourager; I am smart; I am beautiful; I am of sound mind……).

So when the negative thoughts come around I am prepared:

1) Recognize-“Hey, these thoughts are making me feel bad, and I know better!  Let me take a time out.
2) Identify – “Ok, right now I’m feeling worried/poor/deprived/hopeless because I am (for example) looking at my bills vs. my income.”
3) Change your mind – “What if I’m NOT poor?  What if I just need to make better budget choices?”
4) Action – “I am going to look at my spending habits and because I’m smart and of sound mind, I will make a better plan.”
5) Reinforce – “I can do this because I am so smart, intelligent, clever, efficient, creative……”
6) Predict – “I am rich, generous, giving, grateful……” This is important!  Call into “now” what isn’t …..…yet!  The sooner you focus on it, the sooner it’ll come.  Like my Dad’s experience, the more you look at something, the harder it is to change directions.  In his case, it would have been better if he had focused on the area just a few feet to the left of the tree instead of focused ON the tree!  Remember to focus on the positive, not the negative!

Read your “I Am” statement from time to time and update as necessary.  You can do this.  Do it and learn to be captivating!!!!

-Tessa L. Charles

Thursday, September 19, 2013

It's Game Time!

Are you doing anything in your life that you love so much, you have to be extremely disciplined to do it?  I'm not the biggest sports enthusiast, but when my dad and brother are watching, I do catch a few games.  The other day we were watching a football game and it was maybe 100 degrees outside.  And instead of actually watching the game,  I was watching how hard they were playing and thinking how disciplined and dedicated they must be; all geared up with I'm sure a few pounds of padding and other a stuff and wearing a helmet, in 100 degree weather, while playing their hearts out like it was their first or last game.  I was so impressed with the dedication and discipline these guys had, I started to think if there was anything in my life that I put as much into.

Okay, you don't have to be a football player playing in 100 degree weather to realize your dedication and discipline for something you are passionate about.  I watch my brother studying day and night, waking up early, going to bed late, and skipping out on some things because he wants to finish studying, or writing a paper or a sermon, whatever it is, he lets his passion guide him.  And when there are times that he chooses to hang out, knowing he has a paper due, that's even more discipline to stay up a little later or wake up earlier. I love watching the dedication that he has for a dream that he is passionate about, it's so inspiring to me and so many other people.  He knows what he wants and he's going after it, he knows the benefits of his future if he disciplines himself now.  And there is also my sister who had dedicated herself to living away from home, away from friends and family to follow her heart and her passion.  She has now built a great life for herself, married to the man she loves and still dedicated to her career that drove her to where she is today.  I admire her strength and love how in love she gets with what she's passionate about, she is also such an inspiration of discipline and dedication.

The dedication that you have doesn't have to be towards one specific dream or goal that drives you...you can be passionate about your life in general, living with a heart to dedicate yourself in anything that you do. Maybe you don't give everything your all, 100%, but in everything that you do, if you find the discipline to follow through, the outcome will be that much sweeter and you'll have a great feeling of accomplishment.

Maybe you play a sport, or you're training for a marathon, or training a new pet; maybe you're a chef or even a cook working long hours in a hot kitchen, managing a business, raising a family, a student, interning, in your career, in a new relationship, just married, married for years, in an "in between" job; whatever you're doing or whatever position you're in, there is always a need to discipline and dedicate yourself.  In some areas of your life, you may find things more difficult, and some things you may find and realize your natural passion for.  Whatever it is, find it's worth and let yourself be dedicated.

Sometimes your situation may find you in a difficult spot, you may need to put your "game face on" or have that "game time" mentality, in any case, let your heart and your passion guide you towards your goal or maybe even just your next step .  Don't ever be discouraged if something doesn't work out, or things aren't going according to your plan, or if you ever think you're missing out in life; if you're doing something from the heart,  whether it's ideal or not, be proud of yourself and feel accomplished.  Don't feel like "your life is over" because one thing didn't work out.  Know that you have so much going for you, and you will always recover if you let yourself.  Give worth to all that do, follow your heart and find something that your are passionate about.  Live your life in "game time" and let your passion drive you.

-Rubi Anne Dijamco Agostini

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Book, Chapter and Verse

When I was very young I thought that reading was magical.  When my mom read to me, I was amazed that ink scribbled on paper could be combined in such a way they could be read with eyes, uttered by mouth, translated into sound, heard by my ears and in my mind’s eye, “paint” a picture and evoke feelings as a story would evolve.  I wanted nothing more than to learn to read and make that magic happen for myself…..and ASAP!  I remember memorizing books, page by page so that I could “read” to my Dad when he came home.

I couldn’t wait to go to school because that’s where I’d learn to read.  One day my Mom drove to an elementary school to find out when they started but when came back a few minutes later, she told me that I couldn’t go to that school for a whole year because my birthday is in the middle of December (I thought, “What did my birthday have to do with anything?”).  I was heartbroken.  So she enrolled me in the neighborhood kindergarten instead.  I was so happy to be going to school with the prospect of FINALLY learning to read only to find out during the first week of school that the only thing we were going to learn was our ABC’s!  I was FURIOUS!!  I told my teacher on the fourth day, when we were receiving our mini-donut (“D” for donut!) that I already knew my ABC’s (HELLO!?!?!), hoping she’d put me in the place where there was reading being taught!  She just shrugged and said, “Well, that’s great”.

When I finally reached first grade (you know, when a kid is almost 6 years old, waiting a whole YEAR is a huge chunk of lifetime!), I was so desperate to read I learned as fast as I could, and even snuck the reader book home and read ahead (both of which were specifically NOT allowed) and quickly advanced to the top reading group in the class.  One day, our teacher was helping the slower reading group (the “Orange” group), so she told those of us in the “Blue” group to read to ourselves.  Read to ourselves???? What?!  Luckily one of the other kids asked how that was done and my teacher told us it was like reading out loud, but without moving our lips or saying the words out loud.  Wow!!!! I didn’t know that was possible!!!  But I tried it and from that moment on, I was a reading maniac!

When I got older, my love for reading also expanded to my fondness for writing, hence, this blog.  But what I wanted to write about today is writing our own book.  The book I’m talking about is not literal or tangible; the book I’m talking about is a representation of the story of our lives.  I heard someone say that our lives are like a book and every day we get to write a verse or a chapter.  I really like the idea of being an author because as such, I get to write my own story and I have total control.  As the author I get to tell the story I want.  I get to choose to between a good decision and a bad one and even if I happen to make a bad choice, I can always choose to re-write that decision to have a positive outcome and learn from it.  I get to choose the ending to every situation!  I can choose to close a chapter when I believe I’m finished with it and I can even choose to write a whole new book!  I can write all kinds of books from action/adventure, fiction, non-fiction, romance, heck, I can choose to write a whole library of books!  Furthermore, I can choose to lend the “books” to others, hoping they’ll learn from them (or at least be entertained by them!).  I am the author of my life, I get to CHOOSE!

You are the author of your own book.  You get to choose.  You are in control.  Care to share your story?

-Tessa L. Charles

Thursday, September 12, 2013

COM(with a)PROMISE

“My pride, my ego, my needs and my selfish ways
Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes

Too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand
Should have gave all my hours when I had the chance
Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby is dancing, but she's dancing with another man.”

It’s funny because when I heard this song on the radio and actually listened to the lyrics, I was with my cousin and we kept laughing about it.  We were laughing because we kept saying, “oh, what an idiot.”  Of course we were saying it jokingly, because we all know that in reality, situations like this really happen. 

A lot of people end up in relationships and get so uncomfortably comfortable that things start to feel stagnant.  And if we don’t communicate this with one another, one or both will feel unloved and want out.  Now, unlike this song, we don’t have to expect flowers all the time, we don’t need to hold hands every second, we don’t NEED a lot of things, but what we do NEED from each other is constant love, respect and some kind of genuine affection, however you may show it. 

Being that I’ve been in a few relationships throughout my years and now being married, I’ve learned that being in a relationship means getting to know each other and understanding each other, even if we don’t agree.  I’ve learned and am still learning what I want, need and deserve in a relationship and now I’m also learning all those of my husband as well; this way I can reciprocate the very best I can.

Also, unlike the person in this song, instead of passing up opportunities to show my affection, to then regret my decisions later,  I’ve learned that one of the more important aspects to grasp in a relationship is compromise.  When you agree to be in relationship with someone, whether it is with a significant other, family or friends, you have to learn to compromise…you COM(with a)PROMISE and vice versa.  When you compromise, you are coming with a promise to realize that it’s not always about what you think or what you want or what you need or what you want to do or don’t want to do, it goes both ways. 

I’ve learned so much about compromise from my parents.  Whenever I see them together and observe the kind of relationship they have, I know it IS the kind of relationship I want.  I think they have definitely mastered the art of communication and compromise and made the choice to love each other no matter what.

Although they were raised completely differently, and their ways of life weren’t always the same, by making the early decision to choose to love each other they were committed to COM(with a)PROMISE.  It didn’t matter where they lived, where they worked, if they had kids or not, they worked everything out together.  If they had opposite schedules or completely different interests, they still did what they loved, but in the end always made things work.  They have their ways of showing each other love, respect and affection without smothering one another.  They’ve learned to give each other space to do their own things, but always support each other through everything.  And to this day, they have learned to sustain a healthy social life, maintain a happy home, raise 3 kids, while still keeping their romance alive.  They always tell each other "I Love You," they still leave notes for each other, my dad leaves messages on their bathroom mirror with toothpaste, constantly calling my mom beautiful and actively loving her, while my mom reciprocates her love by respecting his words, actions and decisions, constantly showing him affection and making him laugh.  They hold hands, dance together, laugh together, eat together, pray together, and never take each other for granted.

You can get to the point where your relationship is completely comfortable, when you can do anything, everything and nothing with another and it’s perfectly fine, but this doesn’t mean that it should go stagnant.  Keep it exciting, always communicate and don’t stop compromising.  Decide you are in this together and if you know your partner wants flowers, buy some flowers (occasionally);  if he/she wants to hold your hand, then hold it;  if your love needs your time, make some;  if your partner wants to dance, dance…and remember that this goes both ways, but sometimes it just needs a little boost of communication.  


-Rubi Anne Dijamco Agostini

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

A Very Tale

I like writing stories.  Here is a short story I recently wrote and told in front of an audience.  I hope you enjoy it:

Once upon a time there was a young bride and groom who went to the seaside for their honeymoon. They spent their mornings walking on the pristine sands of the seashore, their sunsets in awed silence and their starry nights talking about their plans for the future.

The groom was thoroughly enthralled with his bride and considered himself brilliant for marrying the most beautiful woman he had ever encountered.  The bride adored her groom and considered herself blessed to have selected a man with such strength and integrity as well as tender loving kindness.

One beautiful sunny morning after a late breakfast, they decided to take a walk in the small village near their villa.  Unrushed they casually strolled into and out of several little shops admiring antiques in one and clothing in another.  As they passed a jewelry store, the bride stopped dead in her tracks. A sparkly necklace caught her eye as well as her breath.  

“Ohhh!  Isn’t that beautiful?” she exclaimed.  

“It really is” replied her groom.  

“Oh, look at the color!  I LOVE it!  It’s so perfect, isn’t it? I wonder how much it costs.  Probably a lot, you know these little shops in touristy locations” she said as she craned her neck this way and that to try to get a glimpse at the price on the miniscule tag.

All of a sudden the sales lady inside the store snatched the necklace from out of the window.  Slightly indignant, the bride turned toward her husband only to find him gone from her side.  “Where could he have gone?” she thought to herself as she turned herself around looking for him.  Out of the corner of her eye she immediately caught sight of the color of his shirt……. He was INSIDE THE STORE!
“He’s buying it for me!” the bride gasped.

She ran into the shop to find her groom at the sales counter, wallet opened and a credit card at the end of his outstretched hand.  He placed the necklace around her neck as she beamed, “Thank you!” 

“It was too beautiful to pass up” he replied.

And as they walked out of the store hand in hand, her head on his shoulder, he smilingly said, 
“If you want the matching earrings, I think you’re on your own.”

I enjoy true love stories, I think many women do.  The young bride in the story reminds me of how when women are able to trust and free to love, they will adore their true love.  The young groom demonstrates his love for his beautiful bride by fulfilling her every desire, before she even asks.  In fact, he would give his life for his bride without her asking.
 
I hope you found this story I made up inspiring and that it touches your romantic side………only, I’m lying. It’s not a fairy tale or a made up story.  It is a true story.  I saw it play out with my own eyes this summer and it was probably the most romantic thing I have ever witnessed. Furthermore, the young bride and groom portrayed in the story are not newlyweds, but have been married for over 48 years!

In a world where negative stories and get so much attention and where frivolous, narcissistic individuals earn “livings” by showcasing their “realities”, it makes me proud to know and pass on a TRUE story about a love that has lasted through bad times and good with people who have learned (and still continue to learn) how to love each another on purpose.  They have repeatedly admitted to me that it has not been easy, but as far as their marriage goes, they have been and are intentional.  They are a role model for all.

Please feel free to share a true love story.  You may comment below or email me at: dailytlc@gmail.com and I will post your story.  We love inspiring stories and we love the idea of counteracting all the negative stories with positive ones..........so we can live happily ever after.

-Tessa L. Charles

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Dress To Impress...Who?

As women, or I guess this can apply to men as well, who do we try to look good for?  When we are getting ready in the morning, picking our nice clothes, putting on make-up, fixing our hair, who are we trying to impress?  Are we fixing ourselves up for us, or our we doing it for other people?  I know there is a difference when we're going into a professional setting, but I'm talking about our every day lives, just leaving the house.

I had a great conversation with my sister and one of my best friends, it went in the direction of looking good for "our men," and about how comfortable women are in their own skin in front of their husbands, or guys that may potentially be in their lives.  It was interesting to talk about our different perspectives, with my sister being married for years, myself being married just a few months, and my friend in the dating world; even with different perspectives,  our take on this wasn't so far off from each other.

In high school I remember my friends and me going boy crazy, trying to look good all the time, comparing ourselves with other girls, and loving the attention we got from the boys.  But is this the attention I needed or wanted?  Later on discovering myself more, I got my answers...I was loving myself depending on others opinions, instead of loving myself for me.  Growing up I may not have been the most secure person, and speaking with my sister, friend and other woman, we realized that there are many women who feel or have felt the same.  Because I was very outgoing and thought I didn't care what other people thought, it took a while for me to realize and admit that maybe I was insecure.  But it led me to learn how much I am worth, and how much I am deserving of love and respect, and how beautiful I am inside and out, just the way I am. I realized that I was created to be royal, to be accepted and to be loved, and that I shouldn't settle for less.

After overcoming those obstacles of insecurity growing up, those times that I do like to dress up and look good, I now do it initially for me.  I love to pamper myself and look good, because it makes ME feel great, like a lady.  When we do dress up, put on make-up, pamper ourselves, pick the nice outfits, we should do it because we want to, not because we'd feel judged if we didn't.  I know for me, when I like to look good for my husband it's because I want to, not because he needs me to.  I know that he likes when I take care of myself and when I get all "dolled up," but he nevers asks me to, that's almost the reason why I do it, knowing he'll love me no matter what; it almost makes want to look good for him because it isn't a requirement.  I love that I can be comfortable in my relationship where I can be around him with no make-up on and my hair tied up.  Most of the time when my husband calls me beautiful, it is first thing in the morning, when I first wake up; it's at those times when I think I look my worst, he calls me beautiful.  It is a great feeling knowing that I can be my complete and true self around this man who I intend to spend the rest of my life with.  I love all the things we are learning about each other every day, and I love even more that we have already learned to respect each other and be completely comfortable and open with each other through our words, actions, and appearance.

It is important to be comfortable in your own skin, be confident of who you are, realize your worth and make sure that the person you're with and the people around you know that.  Don't let people judge you and your character and let others love you with no make-up on. Don't settle for less than you're worth...which is A LOT!!

-Rubi Anne Dijamco Agostini

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

SHE-roes

Comic book writers, put down your pens.  Your super hero comes masked with mud, and uniformed in yoga pants.  With one hand she catches falling objects faster than a speeding bullet, leaps tall (Lego) buildings in a single bound.  This “hoodied” caped crusader is stronger than any known mortal man, defeating the dastardly enemy, “Burnt Crock Pot” with her superhuman strength and a scrub brush.  She alone dusts overlooked crevices detected by her super bionic eyes.

Scientists, get your noses out of those books on relativity!  Albert Einstein ain’t got nothin’ on this genius! She alone can discern when the trash is full, what meals can be assembled with minimal ingredients and how to make a grocery list on a budget (that doesn’t take smarts, you say?  Really?  Then why didn’t you think of it?!).

Ninja Warriors, you’re silent machinations are nothing compared to the invisibility of this Unknown Soldier. Unnoticed she moves about her territory putting way discarded clothes, read books, dirty dishes and who knows what else (how would anyone even notice?  She’s that stealthy!!)?  Undetected, she completes tasks no one else thinks to accomplish or ever recognizes!

War Generals, if you would only put down your weapons of destruction down for 2 minutes and actually listen to representatives of half of the population you’d probably find peaceful ways to negotiate.

World Leaders, if you would stop talking for a moment and apply the budgetary methods that these everyday economists use, our countries would likely be debt-free.

Mr. President, you think your job is thankless?

Looking for a super hero to solve all the world’s problems?  Stop going to the movies, lift up your eyes and RECOGNIZE!!  Your HERO is standing right in front of you asking you to pick up your stinky socks.

-Tessa L. Charles (alias: Woman)