Heartstrings

Last May, my high school classmates and I enjoyed a reunion and 4 of us ladies who were helping out with the planning decided to go on a weekend trip to reconnect.  This last weekend was that weekend and I have to say, it was good to be able to laugh, cry, relax, laugh, shop, eat and laugh some more with a group of gals, one I’ve known since pre-school, the other two since grade school.  We all went to the same schools until our 2nd year of college where our paths diverged, but we went to each other’s weddings, baby showers and kid’s birthday parties.  Most of us have been touched by divorce and illness, and all of us are blessed enough to have our parents still with us.

We marveled at the things that have not changed (one of us still has a relentless sweet tooth) as well as the things that have (we could open a mini-pharmacy between us as well as an optometry practice!).  We teased each other’s foibles, laughed at each other’s jokes, cried with each other’s heartaches, encouraged each other’s strengths, downplayed each other’s faults and prayed for each other’s concerns.

I may not have a lot of money, but I am the richest woman I know!  I have been blessed with an amazing family of friends. I know unequivocally that the people that have been favored to me throughout my life are the people who always have my back, I hope they know that I have theirs as well.
My simple message today is to encourage us to make serious efforts to keep in touch with the friends that we have been blessed with.  It’s so very easy to let friendships fall to the wayside especially with those who are not easily within our daily circles, but at the same time, social media has made it easier so our excuses are becoming less acceptable.

People are placed in our lives for a reason; in other words, our friends are not accidental.  I’m not saying that every person we’ve been friends with is a good influence, but sometimes a bad influence can help us identify some weakness in ourselves to help us recognize and to overcome.

In the next few weeks, I challenge each one of us to make a concerted effort to get in touch and reach out to our friends.  Drop a line, call, text, email, Face Book, Tweet whatever, just make an effort.  Strengthen those heartstrings that keep us all from living a detached, routine, robotic life.   Let’s spend some time enjoying the bounty of our riches.

-Tessa L. Charles

Under the Influence

I've grown up to be the person I am today because of the people that surround me.  Sometimes you think that you're your own person, an individual who makes decisions all on your own, without realizing that you are influenced by those around you, but are you?

Maybe when I was younger I wasn't ALWAYS surrounding myself with the best influences, but I learned and feel that I always made the conscious effort to choose my direction after that.  I've realized how much strength it takes to be your own person, but also realized that it is THAT much simpler if you surround yourself with people that can help you get there.

If you're a family person who knows you want to start your own  family some day, surround yourself with healthy families, people who are great parents who can help teach you great values and morals; if you want to find success in your career, surround yourself with people who have already done so and learn from their example and dedication; if you want to build your faith and spirituality,  surround yourself with people who are strong in their faith, who can teach you how to get through this world with people who don't understand.

You see, surrounding yourself with these people initially and discovering who you are and who you want to be, and making this decision isn't separating yourself from the rest who aren't in compliance with your life, it's more like building your strength for those times when you DO have to go out on your own, and you don't have a choice of who is around you anymore.  Let yourself be positively influenced by the people who have your very best interest at heart, by people who will support you whether your ideas and dreams are ridiculous and by people who will be truly honest with you.

We are constantly under the influence of this world, and those that surround us pull on our strings, but WE make the decisions in our lives and decide which strings we want to pull back on.

-Rubi Anne Dijamco-Agostini

Definitely Maybe

I’m in the middle of reading an e-book entitled, The Book of Maybe by Allison N. Carmen and it has reminded me of the power of that word, MAYBE, and how if I can learn to live my life with all the possibilities that Maybe has to offer, I can significantly reduce the stress of fear and worry in my life.  It is something that I’ve been practicing (and by “practicing” I mean that I often forget and revert to stressing out but I am catching myself earlier and earlier in a situation and trying to take captive my thoughts and change my perspsective).

First, let me state that I have considered myself a “planner” type person, meaning, I liked being prepared and having a “game plan”. I have often not been fond of “spur of the moment” or risk. Now, there is nothing wrong with being prepared, but this mindset often left me inflexible and in fear of spontaneity and stressed out when things didn’t go as planned, which as we know, is often!  Instead of thinking of a “glitch” as an opportunity, I would often take the mishap personally and think that the universe had a vendetta out for me.

In the past few years I have been striving to live in the realm of Maybe, which is simply changing my perspective on the day to day circumstances that happen in my life.  Allison N. Carmen says it this way, “None of us know for sure what life will bring.  What Maybe gives us is the chance to embrace the opportunities uncertainty brings with it and to live each day we do have to its very fullest.

So here’s a hypothetical scenario: One day, I get let go from a job.  I can think of it as horrible and wonder how I and my family are going to get by; or maybe…….I can think of it as an opportunity to look for the job that fuels my passion. I look for and find a position and get hired at a company that I’m passionate about, but I have little to no experience in that field.  I can be scared to death, anxious or maybe…...I can be excited. On the first week of my new job I make many mistakes, get reprimanded for taking too much time doing a simple task, and have no one to eat lunch with.  I can quit, whine and complain and/or beat myself up or maybe……I can learn from my mistakes, ask for help, and make new friends.  After a month or so, I realize a co-worker and I just don’t get along.  I can bad mouth, undermine, pick a fight or ignore him/her or maybe……I can take an opportunity to practice to forgive, have mercy, grace and honor and just be held accountable to my own actions.

The first example of the Maybe life in the e-book is a story about a farmer whose horse runs away.  His neighbor says, “You have the worst luck!” and the farmer replies, “Maybe”.  That horse comes back a few days later with 5 mares in tow and the neighbor says to the farmer, “You have the best luck!” and the farmer replies, “Maybe”.  The next day the farmer’s son is riding one of the mares and falls off and breaks his leg. The neighbor says, “Oh, you have the worst luck!” and the farmer says, “Maybe”.  Within that week, the army comes to take all able men to war, but since the farmer’s son has a broken leg, they leave him home. And the neighbor says, “Man!  You have the best luck!” and the farmer says, “Maybe”.

I encourage you (and myself) to live from this moment forth a Maybe life.  And if someone comes to you lamenting about the circumstances in their life, tactfully introduce the Maybe lifestyle to them as well.  Let’s change our perspective and just say, “Maybe, Baby”.

-Tessa L. Charles

Life's a Beach

One early morning last week, I went for a walk on the beach.  There were only a few surfers in the water, but for the most part, the beach was empty.  It was so beautiful and peaceful and with each step, a deep serenity began to replace the usual “to do” list normally foremost in my mind.

Realizing that my footprints were the first on the beach that morning, a revelation about the landscape began to take form in my thoughts.  By sunset of the previous day, the beach had evidence of many footprints in the sand; shallow pits dug by little hands here and there; forgotten toys and random bits of trash littered its surface.  But by morning, the tide had washed away all evidence of the previous day’s use and once again, the beach was new and ready for its day’s inhabitants.

How like the beach, our lives are.  Each day has its footprints made by friends, family, and sometimes careless users.  Each day has its pits; its amusements; its bits of litter, but by the next morning, we are allowed to start anew.

You may be thinking, “Yeah, sure.  That’s a nice thought, but what about all the rough stuff that I still have to deal with from the days before?  I still have those bills due.  I still have my kids to worry about.  I still have…….”

I have posted a picture from my walk.  It shows the image of the beach that morning.  You will notice all the pebbles/rocks still left on the beach from the days/weeks/months/years before, much like the “rough stuff” in our lives, that doesn’t get “washed away” each day.  However, as you know, the sand and the surf work together with every wave break to help soften and smooth each jagged rock until after sometime the rock becomes a smooth pebble.  Soon that pebble becomes smaller and smaller and the parts that wear away actually become part of the landscape.  In fact, the daily wearing away actually helps to replenish the beach and add to its content and beauty!

I like to think that like those rocks, our problems, with time, also become less prominent and painful and soon wear away to actually help to contribute to the beautiful landscape of our lives.  That is, if we allow for the irritation of the sand to rub up against the problem and the occasional “beating up” of the waves to help cleanse it; meaning, we’ve got to position the problem in a place where it’s going to be dealt with and that’s not always going to be comfortable; but the closer the rocks are to the water, the faster they get worn away. You can probably guess what that means.

Today, I bless you with courage and tenacity and with the vision of hope that helps you to see that sometimes, problems can be the opportunity to add to the richness and beauty of the landscape of the beach that is your life.

-Tessa L. Charles

My Grass is Green...on THIS side!

Growing up I always thought of that saying "The grass is always greener on the other side," as something nice.  Has a nice flow to it, you can apply it to your life and it gives you motivation to work to harder.  When life was tough, it just spilled out, and gave you a dream.  But in reality is it a motivation or is it envy;  or are we downplaying the positives we have in our own lives now?

That phrase refers to people always looking to the other side of the fence, thinking that their "grass" is greener than their own, envying what others have, wishing they were in their shoes, comparing their lives with others, always thinking that someone has it better.

Well then there's another saying "the grass isn't greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it."  Now THIS is a whole different perspective that I like much better.  Why envy the life of your neighbor when you can look at all the great and amazing things you have in your life now.  Or you can work on making YOUR "grass greener" so it suits YOU, and not by others' influence.  "Man, I wish I had that guy's new Lexus"...well, you can be happy you have a car, or a bike, or functional legs to walk. "Ugh, she got straight A's again, why can't I be that smart"...think of the pressure she may be under if she got less than perfect.

I want to believe that even if I don't have much, or the ability to get the newest and latest products, or if maybe life is in a tough spot, or if I'm having problems finding a job, or finding it tough to take a break from my job, maybe I'm too fat, I'm too skinny, I hate my hair, I'm too tall, I'm too short, I'll never get married, my spouse drives me nuts, I have a broke down car, I can't afford this or that, I didn't get the loan for the house I wanted, etc. etc. etc., that I can still be happy with all the other million great things I DO have and every single blessing that IS happening in my life.  Don't take those things for granted.  Yes, sometimes life if tough, we don't always get what we want, we THINK others always have it better, but I also know that there is ALWAYS an up side to everything,  and it isn't on the other side of the fence, it's right under your nose, you just have to realize it.

I know that it is always easier said than done, but WE have the ability to turn all those negatives into positives.  And sometimes, maybe it isn't all that bad looking over the fence, but that's if we do actually see it as motivation rather than envy.  Then this means that we can live our lives differently and how we want...not letting other's lifestyles dictate our emotions.  I don't want to live my life always looking over the fence and envying what they have, I want to know and realize what I have, and be completely satisfied.  With realization, motivation, satisfaction, confidence, honesty and humility...I think you'll see that your grass is green on your side too!  And just think, if you're looking to the other side thinking their grass is greener, they may actually be doing the same.

-Rubi Anne Dijamco-Agostini

The Revolving Door

The other day my husband and I accompanied my mother-in-law to the hospital.  As we were leaving we decided to go through the revolving door.  Each section of this door can only fit one, maybe 2 people, so we went one at a time.  The door is manual so it only went as fast as you pushed it and started and stopped on your command.  So my mother-in-law started to go through, but instead of stopping to exit, the door kept going around; she went around maybe 3 or 4 times before she exited.  Every time she would pass the opening to get out, she would look at us and say, "e perche?!" (Eh, why?!?).  We kept having to explain to her that she has to stop, and that the door is moving because she's the one moving it.  We couldn't help but laugh a little as she kept going round and round, but she eventually stopped and was able to free herself from the revolving door.

Later as I was giggling to myself, re-living the moment, I thought how sometimes we live our lives inside a revolving door.  We are the ones who control how fast or slow our lives go.  Even though it doesn't seem like we're in control, we can be the ones to take a step back and go at a slower pace, not getting overwhelmed by the life passing before us, but instead, enjoying it; or we can be the ones to take that next step to advance ourselves to the place we want to be.  And even if we don't reach our goal when we want to, at least we're taking the necessary steps to get there, still going at our pace.  We're the ones to stop our door and take our moments of freedom and cease opportunities, instead of letting openings for opportunity and freedom pass us by.  I know sometimes we don't realize all the little things that can free us from spinning round and round, that may be because we are confining ourselves in the every day tasks of life; we don't see all the opportunities we have available to us because we are too busy moving our feet, and sometimes we just can't stop.

I know for me, sometimes I can get overwhelmed in the life I'm living now, I don't even know that I'm overwhelmed.   But the moment I realize that maybe there's too much on my plate, I stop and take the time to enjoy each moment, each conversation,  each breath of fresh air, each time I can cook just for fun, etc. Especially being here in Tuscany, the atmosphere is so relaxing and warm, I can take a step out of my revolving door, and take the time to really enjoy my new marriage, having fun and learning more about each other.  I've been making time to go for walks, read a book, write a new post, meet new people, learn the culture more, etc.

Those times that you start to feel overwhelmed or realize that your life is just going around and around and around, really take some time to enjoy that life; try not to see your day as a list of tasks you need to get done, take time to play and have fun with your kids, make plans to spend time with family and/or friends, just because; go for a swim, spend an hour at the beach, actually read the newspaper or a magazine, relax and watch a movie, take a nap, slow cook a meal because you want to, take up that hobby that you've been thinking of, anything that can give you back control of your own revolving door.

Enjoy Every Day!

-Rubi Anne Dijamco Agostini

My Day In Court

Last week I had to go to traffic court to plead, “No Contest” to a ticket I got last summer.  It was my first experience in traffic court and I was unprepared for what I was to learn that day.

I witnessed obviously angry people being disrespectful towards the judge by their demeanor, tone, language, attitude or even dress in the courtroom.  I learned that whether one deserves a ticket or not, being disrespectful towards the system and the person administering it makes that person appear guilty and disdainful.

I witnessed people who had several counts against them expecting the judge to drop one or more counts just because in between the interim of them getting caught and the day of appearance they had made moves to rectify their infractions.  If the judge did not drop a count due to insufficient proof, they became indignant.  I learned that entitlement makes one look extremely foolish.

I witnessed people obviously lying.  I learned that lying is obvious.

I also witnessed people who despite their anger or frustration, still admitting their mistake, and respectfully addressing the judge; submitting to the system despite its flaws.  And people who despite their good cause for their infraction, refusing to take up any more of the court’s time and paying their fine instead.  I saw people who had been taught and had learned decorum and appropriateness and I learned that those people appear above all else, dignified.

Although I plan never again to find myself in traffic court, I initially thought that having to go was going to be a waste of time.  I found that there was a lot to be learned.  I found it ironic that I became grateful for the experience.  I found that the act of submitting is not necessarily admitting guilt, but being respectful to a system for what that system represents.  I found that dignity is a characteristic that’s worth being truthful, transparent and vulnerable for.  I learned.

-Tessa L. Charles