COM(with a)PROMISE

“My pride, my ego, my needs and my selfish ways
Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes

Too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand
Should have gave all my hours when I had the chance
Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby is dancing, but she's dancing with another man.”

It’s funny because when I heard this song on the radio and actually listened to the lyrics, I was with my cousin and we kept laughing about it.  We were laughing because we kept saying, “oh, what an idiot.”  Of course we were saying it jokingly, because we all know that in reality, situations like this really happen. 

A lot of people end up in relationships and get so uncomfortably comfortable that things start to feel stagnant.  And if we don’t communicate this with one another, one or both will feel unloved and want out.  Now, unlike this song, we don’t have to expect flowers all the time, we don’t need to hold hands every second, we don’t NEED a lot of things, but what we do NEED from each other is constant love, respect and some kind of genuine affection, however you may show it. 

Being that I’ve been in a few relationships throughout my years and now being married, I’ve learned that being in a relationship means getting to know each other and understanding each other, even if we don’t agree.  I’ve learned and am still learning what I want, need and deserve in a relationship and now I’m also learning all those of my husband as well; this way I can reciprocate the very best I can.

Also, unlike the person in this song, instead of passing up opportunities to show my affection, to then regret my decisions later,  I’ve learned that one of the more important aspects to grasp in a relationship is compromise.  When you agree to be in relationship with someone, whether it is with a significant other, family or friends, you have to learn to compromise…you COM(with a)PROMISE and vice versa.  When you compromise, you are coming with a promise to realize that it’s not always about what you think or what you want or what you need or what you want to do or don’t want to do, it goes both ways. 

I’ve learned so much about compromise from my parents.  Whenever I see them together and observe the kind of relationship they have, I know it IS the kind of relationship I want.  I think they have definitely mastered the art of communication and compromise and made the choice to love each other no matter what.

Although they were raised completely differently, and their ways of life weren’t always the same, by making the early decision to choose to love each other they were committed to COM(with a)PROMISE.  It didn’t matter where they lived, where they worked, if they had kids or not, they worked everything out together.  If they had opposite schedules or completely different interests, they still did what they loved, but in the end always made things work.  They have their ways of showing each other love, respect and affection without smothering one another.  They’ve learned to give each other space to do their own things, but always support each other through everything.  And to this day, they have learned to sustain a healthy social life, maintain a happy home, raise 3 kids, while still keeping their romance alive.  They always tell each other "I Love You," they still leave notes for each other, my dad leaves messages on their bathroom mirror with toothpaste, constantly calling my mom beautiful and actively loving her, while my mom reciprocates her love by respecting his words, actions and decisions, constantly showing him affection and making him laugh.  They hold hands, dance together, laugh together, eat together, pray together, and never take each other for granted.

You can get to the point where your relationship is completely comfortable, when you can do anything, everything and nothing with another and it’s perfectly fine, but this doesn’t mean that it should go stagnant.  Keep it exciting, always communicate and don’t stop compromising.  Decide you are in this together and if you know your partner wants flowers, buy some flowers (occasionally);  if he/she wants to hold your hand, then hold it;  if your love needs your time, make some;  if your partner wants to dance, dance…and remember that this goes both ways, but sometimes it just needs a little boost of communication.  

-Rubi Anne Dijamco Agostini