You Are...

…beautiful and amazing, just the way you are.

…stronger than you think you are.

…powerful and victorious!

…becoming better.

…loved AND liked!

…determined and successful.

…being sung over and celebrated.

…set free from lies.

…forgiven and are great at forgiving others (including yourself!).

…wise.

…passionate.

…a human being not a human doing

…one who speaks life not death; sees positive not negative; uses her influence for good not bad.

…accountable and hold others as such.

…working on your relationships.

…not a quitter!

…grateful, thankful and blessed.

…becoming who you were always meant to be.

…an awesome Mom (to your own children and/or to others).

…a hard worker.

…intentional, purposeful and encouraging.

…a thermostat not thermometer.

…letting go of your past and living in your “future”.

…always thinking the best about others, giving them the benefit of the doubt even when they disappoint you.

…always a kind and thoughtful friend.

…inspiring to others.

…a dreamer.

…a safe place for your friends and family.

…aware of the power of your words.

…fearless!

…humble enough to graciously accept help from others.

…a work in progress and have tremendous potential.

This is a review of what we’ve been discovering about ourselves.  Now here is our challenge for the weekend.  Go to a mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and change the title of this blog from “You are…” to “I am…” and repeat it out loud at least 3 times this weekend.  Say it and believe it.  And if you're brave (and you are), share this exercise with someone else and say it out loud to each other.  Have a nice weekend (and you WILL). That is all.

To inspire you, enjoy:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZimx1wHYcs

-Tessa L. Charles

The Bloom That Is You

Last night I packed up my winter clothing and brought down my lighter, brighter wardrobe from the attic.  The weather is warming up and although not “officially” spring, the signs of spring are evident where I live. Bright green leaves are starting to show on our shade tree at the back of our house, though it was just a couple weeks ago I had just finished disposing of the last of the fallen leaves.  It is this time of the year that reminds me of the potential of seeds.

Unless one is wise of all things botany, it is usually imperceptible as to what type of plant a seed will produce.  The potential of a seed can be deceptive because even a small seed can produce something as large as a tree or as pervasive as a weed.  Usually, the outside of the seed is hard and unless the conditions are right (adequate soil, moisture, nutrients and time) a seed will remain a seed.  Usually, no matter what direction a seed is planted, it grows towards its light source and despite sprouting, if conditions are not right, a seedling will probably not produce well and may even die.

I suppose you know what I’m getting at.  We all are like seeds.  We each have tremendous potential; though often in the beginning it is imperceptible just what fruit will be produced.  Often, we have a hard exterior, but with the right conditions, we can bloom.  I’d like to add, that just as plants go through phases such as seed to seedling to full bloom to withering to seeds again, we also go through phases.  Ideally we start out as a single seed as a child, bloom into adult, and when opportunities end and things change, we go to “seed” again, and then we start the process over and over again but our experiences multiply and hopefully, our potential becomes bigger and spreads farther.   Of course the conditions have to be right and our light source constant.

It is also helpful to remember that we never know what phase another person is.  They could be at the hard shell part, where they need extra attention and nutrition in order to soften and bloom.  They could be at a blooming stage or withering stage, but we may not be able to perceive their tremendous potential from one moment to the next.  The best thing we can do is keep the conditions right and the light source constant.  It might be helpful to remember that from time to time a little painful pruning and some stinky “fertilizer” may be required, but they only encourage growth and health.

I celebrate the tremendous potential we all possess and enjoy the bloom that is you.  Have a beautiful day!

-Tessa L. Charles

Wherever You Go

I have a passion for handbags. No matter if I gain or lose weight, handbags ALWAYS fit!  I love browsing through stores checking out how they’re made; and if they’re cute, a good price and happen to have a colorful lining, IT’S OVER! 

Wherever I go I notice them, I even notice them in the movies (I love the ones Sandra Bullock carried in The Proposal!)!  When a woman walks by me, her handbag almost always catches my eye.  I check out the brand, the color, the style, I wonder what it says about her…..on and on…I’m “chronic”!

When you have a passion for something, you see it everywhere.  You’ve probably noticed, but I have a passion to changing perceptions. Despite what I was like in the past, I’ve come to recognize that I like the challenge of trying to see the best in people even if they’re not showing it.  I like the challenge of changing the negative to a positive whether it is words, circumstances or situations. And, similar to my passion for handbags, I notice both negative and positive perceptions everywhere, in the media, books, magazines, ads, in the people or situations I meet or come across….and even in the movies.

A couple of summers ago, my son and I, being Paul Rudd fans, went to see the movie, My Idiot Brother.  Now, I don’t recommend the movie, it wasn’t very entertaining, but there was one nugget of dialog that touched my heart and it was the crux of the movie.  Paul Rudd’s character (the “idiot” brother) was explaining why his truthful, yet naïve actions kept getting him in trouble. He said, “I like to think that if you put your trust out there, I mean if you really give people the benefit of the doubt and see their best intentions, people will rise to the occasion.”  I got misty-eyed over the sheer truth of that statement.

Will that attitude always seem rewarding?  No.  We disappoint each other, break promises, change our minds, say hurtful things, get in bad moods; but when those things happen, we still have the choice to let hurt attach itself to us or not.  We can choose to let it go; it is a choice.

As we move throughout our day, let’s choose to recognize opportunities to think the best of every situation or flip-flop a negative situation to a positive. I look forward to seeing us all “rise to the occasion.”

-Tessa L. Charles

It Is Also Blessed to Receive

I just saw a commercial by a baby product company showing scenes of a new mom and infant.  The voice over was as if the baby was telling the mom how much the baby appreciated, loved and thanked the mom for everything she was doing to take care of him/her.  I started to tear up when the baby looked at the Mommy and “said” something like, “You know I love you, right?” What a great campaign!  I remember when I was a frazzled new Mom how much I would have appreciated that.

I recall when my husband was part of a softball league, I took my first son, who was less than 2 months old with me to watch one of his games.  It was a beautiful afternoon and we had gotten to the field before my husband (he was coming from work and I was still on maternity leave) and so I had spread a blanket out while we were waiting.  One of my husband’s teammates had arrived early and came by to say hello.  He sat down and asked, “So how’re you doing?” I answered, “Oh, we went to see the doctor yesterday, and we’re doing well and now we’re learning how to hold our head up….”and my husband’s friend waited till I finished and then looked at me in the eye and said, “No, I mean, how are YOU doing?”.  I was so caught off guard that I just stared at him and couldn’t really answer.  I think, after what seemed like a lifetime, I mumbled out “Oh, I’m fine” and as he went off to start practicing I was left on the blanket stunned.  My life was so filled with the constant care of my baby, the difficulties I had breastfeeding and just the general worries of being a new mother that I didn’t know how I was doing!

In the days that followed, I thought about that question and I realized I was feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, alone, unaccomplished and oh so TIRED!!!  There were times I felt like the worst mother in the world because I wanted to just shut the door to my son’s room when I couldn’t get him to stop crying.  I just wanted some time to go to the store alone or take a nap without being jarred awake with him needing something else from me.  I needed help, but I didn’t want to ask for it because I thought others would think of me as weak or incompetent. 

By the time I had my second son, I had started to learn 2 valuable lessons.  Despite what others might think or my own pride, 1) I learned to ask for help and 2) I allowed other people to help me.  When we would go to a gathering or to church and someone asked to hold the baby, off he went!  When my Mom offered to come cook for us, out came the welcome mat! 

I love when I am able to offer my help to someone who is in need; when I can offer an encouraging word or make their life easier somehow; and I love it when they let me, because it gives me joy.  It takes humility to ask for help, but it also takes humility to accept it.  Think of it this way: it is actually an act of arrogance denying someone else the pleasure of blessing us with their help.  In a way you’re saying, “My help is valuable, but yours is not.”

I know those of you reading this are a blessing to your family and friends, and you enjoy helping others in need.  I continue to challenge us to graciously and humbly accept the blessing of others.  I also want to take this opportunity to thank those of you who have helped me and my family all these years; you know who you are.  You are a gift to me. 

Leave a comment; I’d love to hear about your experiences.  Have a blessed weekend!

-Tessa L. Charles

The Thankful Bomb

I wanted to report about some feedback I’ve gotten in response one of the challenges I’ve included in a couple of previous blogs.  Now, it’s obvious that there is not much feedback being posted on the blog site, and I know that partly is because if a reader does not have a Google account, it’s very difficult, but I’ve offered my email address (dailytlc@gmail.com) with the promise that I’d publish your comments and a response.  However, I have received feedback from friends via Face Book, text and in person, and you have all blessed me with your personal observances and comments.  So the invitation still stands, please feel free to make any comments, add your experiences and share your opinions.

If you have read the portion of my blog page called, About Me, you’ll notice I mentioned that I’m pretty much just like each one of you and I’m taking this journey as well.  Part of the reason I wanted to start this blog was that I wanted to make myself accountable to others while participating in some challenges.  What I mean is, in every challenge that I’ve posed, I’ve tried to participate as well.  I’ve asked that you, the reader, report results, and so in keeping with that, I wanted to report some of my responses.

Specifically, I wanted to report on the challenge I proposed on the blog posts, “Kissin’ Cousins” and “…And I’d Like to Thank…”.  If you recall, I challenged us to get in contact with people that we are grateful for and I asked you to send them a note of thanks and/or encouragement via text, email or phone call.  I’m a “texter” and I have texted probably near 20 friends and family, and in just a few words thanking them for who they are.  Without exception, the response has been so positive and uplifting, many texting back that I had made their day; which in turn, made MY day.  For most, the next time they saw me, they were grateful all over again, which made me realize how many more people I wanted to thank.  Soon, I was suggesting to the people I “Thankful Bombed” (you know how people “photo bomb”? I’m calling my gratitude texts, “Thankful Bombs”) to “pay it forward” because I want everyone to experience how encouraging it is to be thankful.  I learned that gratitude begets gratitude.  I also learned that people don’t often get thanked or encouraged nearly enough, and we are HUNGRY for that. 

So, I’m reiterating my challenge and I’m kicking it up a notch.  Let’s continue to “Thankful Bomb” people in our lives.  Send just a few words of thanks and/or encouragement and then ask them to pay it forward.  THEN, send an encouraging word to those people who we’re not so much thankful for!  Let’s practice our words of “life” and see what kind of results we get from that!  Thanks for participating and letting all of us share in your experiences.

-Tessa L. Charles

No Tears For Fears

I have always admired those people who could stand up to their fears, those people who could look their fears dead in the eye and conquer them.  I have lived a good portion of my life NOT being one of those people.  As my life progressed I noticed I just started “collecting” more fears, I would make the excuse that I was just not a risk taker, or accomplishing this or that was “out of character” for me or whatever rationalization that would get me out of any given situation.

Now that I’ve pretty much reached “this side of the hill” of my life, I’ve decided that I want to start becoming one of those people who kills their fears.  I know what you’re saying, some fears are healthy, but isn’t the term “healthy fear” just a poor substitute term for wisdom?  I mean, I may fear getting hit by a car while crossing the street, but that doesn’t mean I should NEVER cross the street; I just use wisdom and look both ways before doing so. 

What I’ve noticed about “killing” a fear is that it empowers me and frees me to kill even more fears.  For instance, I am pretty much afraid of two particular animal groups, snakes and any rodent.  ICK!  Now, let me say, I consider it “wise” to be cautious with snakes, because they can be poisonous and I’m just not going to do the research to find out which ones are and which ones aren’t and then compare that to a snake I may encounter, I just assume stay away from them altogether.  However, I know my fear of rodents is mostly irrational, even though what they represent is filth (and besides that, they’re just ugly in my opinion).

Anyway, last summer, a friend brought his pet snakes to help those of us with a fear of snakes to help conquer it.  Now, the previous time he brought his pets, I was “brave” enough just to stay in the same room, and then I worked my way to actually touching a snake, and that was enough for me.  But that first act freed me enough to promise that the next time I had an opportunity, I would be brave enough to hold one.  So the second time he brought the snakes, I actually held one for about a minute.  Oh, my heart was racing, and I don’t know if I even breathed but I did it.  I was so proud of myself and now I use that experience when I have to face something I’m afraid of.  I say to myself, “Hey, I held a snake. I didn’t die. I can do anything!” and that has freed me tremendously!

Yesterday, I wanted to take a hike and so I revisited the first mountain I was challenged to climb less than a year ago (see: Ain’t No Mountain High Enough).  My husband was out of town, my sons were busy (and they refuse to accompany me on hikes anyway), and everyone else was just too busy.  I almost wasn’t going to go, but, hey, I’ve held a snake.  I didn’t die. I can do anything.  Just past the steepest part (where using one’s hands for stability and balance is almost mandatory), a small snake slithered past my foot about 1/2” from my shoe!  Had I panicked I could’ve tumbled backwards several yards down the mountain.  Later, on the trail, I slipped and scraped my knee (did I mention I have a fear of pain and blood?).  Guess what…..I didn’t die.  Just like the first time I climbed that mountain, I came off of it a little less fearful and a little more victorious!

I know all of us have fears, but take steps to conquer just one and it’ll be a stepping stone to help you conquer more.  You’ll see; you can do anything!

-Tessa L. Charles

Flip Flops

This week, the weather has been just beautiful!  Spring is almost here!  I have a small closet and so soon I will be trading my fall/winter wardrobe for the spring/summer one, including those sandals and flip flops.  (Note to self:  get a pedicure.  And SOON!)

However, the flip flops I want to talk about today have nothing to do with what’s in my attic at the moment.  I want to talk about a “flip flop” of mindset.  After the last blog, I realized I want to be a little more specific and/or practical about how we can go about exchanging (flip flopping) a negative mindset for a positive one.

One of the most intentional ways to do this is what I mentioned in a previous blog, Baggage vs. Luggage.  Make a list of negative things that have been said over us (curses, predictions, diagnosis etc.) or that we think about ourselves (I’m not smart, I’m not pretty, I’m too fat, I’ll probably get diabetes because it’s in my genes…..) and then flip flop them for the positive (I AM wise, I AM beautiful, I AM healthy….). 

Another way we can “flip flop” is by changing our words about others.  Instead of saying to our loved ones, “You’re always so messy”, you can say, “Remember, when you cleaned your room? I really appreciate it when you’re responsible for yourself”.  Flip flop “You never keep your word” to “You’re going to finish painting the house?  Oh, I know you will, you’re always a man of your word”.  Exchange, “You’re gonna make yourself sick eating like that” for “I know you can make a healthier choice”.  Call out who they are when they make a mistake, “We are the Smiths, we are honest, and we don’t take things that do not belong to us” or a simple, “That’s not who you are”.  Those words may sound negative, but they are actually reminding our loved one of who they are and that their actions are not reflecting their true identity.

Flip flop a circumstance.  Instead of thinking of a job loss as the end of the world, think of it as an opportunity to pursue a passion.  Exchange thinking it’s the end of the world when someone puts a dent in your new car for being glad that you don’t have to worry about YOU being the first person who put a dent in your car! So now the next time you get a dent it won’t be such a big deal! 

I remember my young niece posting in Face Book a while back, “Today is the WORST day of my life!!!” After rolling my eyes, I decided to not to post, “What do you know?  You’re so young, you’ll face worse, TRUST ME!” and instead posted, “Great! You’re so SMART getting that day behind you while you’re so young.  Now the rest of your life will be a piece of cake!”  Ok, I admit, I was being a little sarcastic but mostly I was trying to get her to change her view of her circumstance, and honestly, I really try to keep check of myself by making sure to change my perspective of the negative.  I learned that from my friend whom I used to sarcastically, but affectionately call the “Word Police”!  I swear to you, if you make policing your words a habit, negative mindsets and words will start hurting your heart and ears and you’ll be moved to becoming more adept at flip flopping that negativity.  It takes some practice, but listen closely, you can do it!

Have a great weekend!  Be an atmosphere changer!    Be the thermostat not the thermometer!

-Tessa L. Charles